Separations involving kids are never easy and although this is going to be the standard response when you ask for trial separation tips, the truth is, it’s tough and this is where some maturity has to come into play. Differences need to be put aside and the aim here is to make sure the child/children are not exposed to the trauma of seeing their parents embroiled in a bitter battle. Actions you may consider as not having any affect on kids might be the complete opposite.
The problem with a separation involving kids is that most times they just accept the situation and will often blame themselves. This is where you as parents need to come together which may sound strange when you are going through separation but the marriage problems you’re going through are nothing compared to potential harm you could be inflicting on the children.
We like the sound advice on trial separations given at coloradoan.com when it’s recommended that honesty is the best policy. The tips on separation where given following a question from a reader going through a troubled marriage and not sure of what to tell her eleven year old daughter.
Dear Seeking Advice: While I am sorry to hear you and your husband are having marital problems, separating can be a productive time to work things out while living apart. I think you and your husband should explain to your daughter, at her level, so she can understand what is going on. Let her know that the two of you need time apart to work on yourselves and your marriage. Be sure to let her know none of this is in any way her fault. This separation will be less traumatic for your daughter if you and your husband can allow her to see your husband as much as possible and keep things as normal and stable as you can.
My advice for you and your husband is to go into this separation with a clear plan. Nothing will change unless you are both proactive. Treat this trial separation as a time to work individually on yourselves with the goal of coming back together as better people than when you separated.
Both of you should get a counselor to help you work on your individual issues and process the problems that led to the separation. You and your husband must agree to not date anyone else during this time. You are not separating to live the life of a single person but rather to give your marriage a break and work hard on the problems. Dates and spending quality time together has to be part of the separation plan.
Also have an agreed upon time for this separation and stick to the timeline. Once you decide to live together again continue in therapy as a couple and use counseling as a tool anytime you and your husband hit a rough spot. Good luck…..
Have you had to go through a separation involving kids? What was the outcome? Did you get back together? More importantly, were the kids aware of why you were separating and did it affect them in any way?
Obviously, two people who just don’t get on staying together is not good and this is when a trial separation comes into play. What we are suggesting here is as difficult as it is not to be upset at your partner or spouse, it’s your responsibility to make sure that you look at the bigger picture here and try to put any selfish beliefs to the back of your mind. Does that make sense?