So, how do you revive a marriage? How do you save a marriage that on the surface seems dead? These are great questions and the truth is, couples contemplating divorce might well save their marriage simply by asking them. But it seems that couples may not be so keen to save their marriages and take divorce as the easy option. However, according to an excellent report we stumbled across at standardmedia.co.ke, divorce may not be the easy option that it seems.
We’ve always suspected that too many couples run away from their responsibility of making marriage work and when divorce is presented as an option, they take it. The report lists the top nine reasons why marriages fail and infidelity and lack of love are the top two. We agree they rate highly but for us, communication is the major problem.
But amazingly, he notes that most couples opt to separate because of issues to do with communication.
According to a study by Dr John DeFrain, a professor of Family Science in the US, the major reasons marriages fail are (in rank order) (1) infidelity, (2) no longer in love, (3) emotional problems, (4) financial problems, (5) sexual problems, (6) problems with in-laws, (7) neglect of children, (8) physical abuse and (9) alcohol.
It is interesting to note that physical abuse was ranked as eighth in reasons for divorce and “no longer in love” ranked as number two.
“The conflicts and tension stem from different personalities and upbringing and can lead to a loveless marriage,” Hart explains.
The way forward in such a situation is going back to the drawing board.
“Go back in your mind and remember when you first met. What are the things you used to do together? Talking is the magic ingredient. As long as there’s open communication there’s hope for reviving the relationship,” advises Dr Hart.
He notes because of the many pressures of life, there’s tendency for issues like spending time together and bonding to take a back seat. But this is a costly mistake.
Another magic trick to revive a dead relationship is to learn techniques of conversation.
“Learn to listen, to start a conversation, to argue out a point and know when to stop. This sounds trivial but is helps stem conflicts,” says Dr Hart.
Sex therapist Faith Muriithi, who has been married for more than 20 years and counsels brides at bridal showers, buttresses Dr Hart’s point on communication…..
Any save marriage techniques you hear or see worth their weight need to have communication at the top of the list. Many of the problems mentioned in this article occur as a result of lack of communication. It’s where it all starts. If two people are not talking to each other then they are not communicating their feelings. The other person begins to guess what the problems are.
Lack of communication leads to lack of intimacy and you know where this can lead. Marriages can be saved and in most cases should. However, we draw the line at issues such as physical abuse and believe people should “get a free pass”. Lack of love is another reason why divorce might be a good option but only until two people know for sure that the love has disappeared. How? Communication.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any feedback to share about how to revive a failing marriage? We’d love to hear them.